Others Have Problems With Jokes

Frequently I will say something making an attempt to be humorous and people will think I am serious and get offended by it.

I tell myself no one is so dumb that they could not figure out this was a joke.  They learned to read somehow, and having enough brains to read I would think would also give you enough brains to be able to tell if something was reasonable or way way way out of the realm of reasonable.

I just read dilbertblog and it looks like he as the same problem too.  So I feel a little better knowing I am not the only person in the world this happens to, now there are two of us who are misunderstood.

At some point if enough people misunderstand my attempts at humor I guess I would need to add a comment after the joke and explain that I am really joking.

Can Anyone Explain This

Can anyone explain this to me?  

I get about 4 or 5 of these junk emails everyday, but I don’t understand who is sending these out or why they would be spending their time email this stuff?

Each email has a different name on it.

Here is the email –

------------original email---------------------

News Bio Novels Stories Nonfiction Books Articles Podcast Email Join List RSS News Themepunks Part 9Part nine -- the next-to-last part -- of Salon's serialization of my novel-in-progress, Themepunks, went up today (Previous Installments). In today's installment, Andrea hits the road to see how the rest of the New Work folks live, and runs into her arch-nemesis, Rat-Toothed Freddy: She was in the middle of receiving her key when someone grabbed her shoulder and squeezed it. "Andrea bloody Fleeks! What are you doing here, love?" The smell of his breath was like a dead thing, left to fester. She turned around slowly, not wanting to believe that of all the hotels in rural Rhode Island, she ended up checking into the same one as Rat-Toothed Freddy. "Hey, Freddy," she said. Seeing him gave her an atavistic urge to stab him repeatedly in the throat with the hotel stick-pen. He was unshaven, his gawky Adam's apple bobbing up and down and he swallowed and smiled wetly. "Nice to see you." "Fantastic to see you, too! I'm here covering a shareholder meeting for Westinghouse, is that what you're here for, too?" "No," she said. She knew the meeting was on that week, but hadn't planned on attending it. She was done with press conferences, preferring on-the-ground reporting. "Well, nice to see you." "Oh, do stay for a drink," he said, grinning more widely, exposing those grey teeth in a shark's smile. "Come on -- they have a free cocktail hour in this place. I'll have to report you to the journalist's union if you turn down a free drink." "I don't think 'bloggers' have to worry about the journalist's union," she said, making sarcastic finger-quotes in case he didn't get the message. He still didn't. He laughed instead. "Oh, love, I'm sure they'll still have you even if you have lapsed away from the one true faith." "Good night, Freddy," was all she could manage to get out without actually hissing through her teeth. "OK, good night," he said, moving in to give her a hug. As he loomed toward her, she snapped. "Freeze, mister. You are not my friend. I do not want to touch you. You have poor personal hygiene and your breath smells like an overflowing camp-toilet. You write vicious personal attacks on me and on the people I care about. You are unfair, mean-spirited, and you write badly. The only day I wouldn't piss on you, Freddy, is the day you were on fire. Now get the fuck out of my way before I kick your tiny little testicles up through the roof of your reeking mouth." Comments (2) | Posted on November 7, 2005 08:15 AM Themepunks Part 8Salon has published part eight of my novel-in-progress, Themepunks (previous installments). In today's installment, the shanty-town finds itself under siege, and shots are fired: He pulled out the megaphone and went to his window. "ATTENTION POLICE," he said. "THIS IS THE LEASEHOLDER FOR THIS PROPERTY. WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AROUND WITH YOUR GUNS DRAWN? WHAT IS GOING ON?" The police at the cars looked toward the workshop, then back to the shantytown, then back to the workshop. "SERIOUSLY. THIS IS NOT COOL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" One of the cops grabbed the mic for his own loudhailer. "THIS IS THE MIAMI-DADE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. WE HAVE RECEIVED INTELLIGENCE THAT AN ARMED FUGITIVE IS ON THESE PREMISES. WE HAVE COME TO RETRIEVE HIM." "WELL, THAT'S WEIRD. NONE OF THE CHILDREN, CIVILIANS AND HARDWORKING PEOPLE HERE ARE FUGITIVES AS FAR AS I KNOW. CERTAINLY THERE'S NO ONE ARMED AROUND HERE. WHY DON'T YOU GET BACK IN YOUR CARS AND I'LL COME OUT AND WE'LL RESOLVE THIS LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE, OK?"

Making Money Online Is Easy

I have been looking at money making schemes online for a couple years now.  This is what I have figured out.

The best way to make money online is marketing.

Take any product it does not matter what it is and market it as:

• Multi-level network scheme


• Pricey franchise or distributorship


• Mailing scheme

This covers over 90% of what is on the internet.  The other 10% is where you actually have some crappy product that does not work and you promise people they can make $5,000 a month working part-time, only 1 hour a day (sound familiar?)

Basically you take something with no value or very little value and you try to make it sound like something that people will want by making promises about it.

Then you get 10 or 15 testimonials from people and put them in your advertising because they really help you sell your worthless product.

So there you have it, if you want to start making money online this is what you do.

I Won The Lotto 5 Times Today

I think I received 5 of these today at my different email accounts, I must be the luckiest person in the world -  to win the lotto 5 times in one day, wow.

----------original email---------------------
         STAATSLOTERIJ.NL,
        No 21 MANNI-STRAAT
   1309HA AMSTERDAM/NETHERLANDS

FROM: THE PROMOTION DIRECTOR
RESULTS FOR THE SECOND CATEGORY DREW
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS DEPT.
    REF: SF/A028985296/EF,
    BATCH: MLZ/91663/AHK.

ATTN;WINNER,

RE:WINNING NOTIFICATION/FINAL AWARD:
We are pleased to inform you of the release, of the long awaited results of
the STAATSLOTERIJ.NL/INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAMES NL held on 31th of
October 2005.

Reference Number: SF/A028985296/EF, and Batch Number MLZ/91663/AHK.

Your email address attached to the ticket number: TK/469\365\9NL that drew
the lucky winning number, which consequently won the loterij in the second
category in four parts.
You have been approved for a payment of 500,000.00Euros (FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND EUROS.) in cash credited to file reference
number:WQ/4249859609/GY4.This is from a total cash  prize of FIVE MILLION
EUROS Shared among the ten international winners in second categories.

Congratulations!!!

All participants were selected through a Multi international computer ballot
system drawn from 98,000 (Ninety eight thousand) names of email users around
the world, as part of our international promotion programme.

Due to mixed up of some names and addresses, we ask that you keep this award
personal, till your claims has been processed and your funds remitted to
you. This is part of our security measures  to avoid double claiming or
unwarranted taking advantage of the situation by other participants or
impersonators.

To begin your claim, do file for the release of your winning by contacting
our accredited agent:
MR. ERIC VAN DER MARK.
Foreign Transfer Manager.STAATSLOTERIJ.NL,
FAX + 31-847-273-491
FAX + 31-847-580-642
TEL + 31-643-963-991
Email: staatcenterinfo@netscape.net

NOTE: All winnings must be notarized to complete the claim process; winners
will be referred to a Foreign Transfer Manager,to have their winnings
notarized. Winners are to cover the legal charges not STAATSLOTERIJ,

Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications please
remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all
correspondence.
They are your agent, and responsible for the processing and transfer of your
winnings fund to you.

YOUR SECURITY FILE NUMBER IS LX\B91237-H1-67/HF4 (keep personal) Remember,
your winning must be claimed not later than (28-11-05) After this date,
funds might be returned to the unclaimed. Furthermore, should there be any
change in your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Anna Remound.
THE PROMOTION DIRECTOR.
INTERNATIONAL PROGRAM (NL)
N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will resultto
disqualification. Please do not reply to this mail. Contact your claims
agent MR. ERIC VAN DER MARK. at staatcenterinfo@netscape.net

Gates Announces Security Death Squads

Gates Announces Security Death Squads

Redmond, WA- Amid revelations that Windows XP is filled with security holes, making it easy for virtually any 15 year old to seize control of a machine running the recently released operating system, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates today maintained that Windows XP is, indeed, the "most secure operating system, ever."

Framed by the mighty trees and dwarfed by a large Windows XP flag, rippling in the Redmond breeze, Gates this morning defended Microsoft's claims.

"Windows XP is still the leader in security, for both home, and business users," Gates began. "We at Microsoft believe firmly in the importance of computer security, and we recognize that the number one threat to security are not the individuals who attack insecure systems, but, rather, the individuals who publicize security holes in the first place. If people would just learn to remain quiet, these evil hackers wouldn't know of any insecurities, and your computer would be safe."

"Contrary to popular belief, we here at Microsoft take security very seriously," Gates said, his voice growing grave. "We envision a day when all systems are secure, and issuing security patches and updates is a distant memory, like the Amiga. In pursuit of that goal, I am announcing today, that Microsoft will be dispatching 'security squads', who will travel the world, seeking out the evildoers who would disclose vulnerabilities in operating systems, and disposing of them with eXtreme Prejudice."

Gates then turned the microphone over to Microsoft's new Chief of Security, Gunther Goebels.

"Let this be a warning to everyone within the sound of my voice: if you attempt to discover and disclose security holes within any Microsoft operating system, you will be dealt with, accordingly. We will stop at nothing to ensure that XP users continue to enjoy a safe, secure and private computing experience."

Goebels then revealed the first Blue Squad Of Death, or BSOD. As the blue-jacketed men marched across the lawn, Goebels announced, "Make no mistake. You are either with Microsoft, or you are with the hackers."

The Computer Hoax Virus Alert

The Computer hoax virus alert

What to look for:

• Did a real computer security expert send you the alert?  - If your mother-in-law forwarded a chain letter alert guess what, it’s a hoax.


• Does the email urge you to forward the chain email to everyone you know? - genuine virus alerts won't ask you to participate in a email distribution scheme.


• Does the email offer a link to an authoritative details page?  - Email alerts don’t go into great detail about a computer virus, they should summarize the threat and provide a link to a well-known computer security website.

I get these type of emails all the time from people who really think they are helping me out by spreading these hoaxes to other unsuspecting computer users.

Domain Names That Need More Thought

This is funny, I just read this on TheSun about domain names that probably needed a little more thought before they bought.


Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
www.whorepresents.com  

Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views: www.expertsexchange.com  

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island: www.penisland.net  

Need a therapist? www.therapistfinder.com

Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com  

New to Milan and you need electric light? Why not sign up on-line with Power-Gen? www.powergenitalia.com  

These came from thesun and my favorite is penisland.  

A Love Story

A Love StoryI will seek and find you . . .I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan.I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.All my love,The Flu...................